COMMERCIAL BREAK: KATHLEEN BELLER

A young Kathleen Beller, in a commercial for MARS ALMOND chocolate bar.

I liked Ms. Beller a lot when I was young, and I thought she was cute.



The MARS ALMOND chocolate bar commercial, can be found on disc one of MILL CREEK's 1001 CLASSIC COMMERCIALS DVD ( region one ). It has three single sided discs.


Ms. Beller appears in FORT APACHE THE BRONX.

Just for the record, this movie is NOT horrible. Most professional critics want you to believe it's terrible beyond words.... big surprise huh?

It was released on both VHS and region one DVD, by HBO.


She also appeared in HAWAII FIVE-O, and THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN.

HAWAII FIVE-O was released on region one DVD by PARAMOUNT.

THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN was released on region one DVD by UNIVERSAL.


I loved watching her in made-for-tv movies - such as, NO PLACE TO HIDE and ARE YOU IN THE HOUSE ALONE?... They're both among my favorite made-for-tv movies.

NO PLACE TO HIDE was released on legit VHS by PRISM ENTERTAINMENT, and it MAY have been released by a couple of other companies.

I don't think NO PLACE TO HIDE has ever had a legit region one DVD release. I've never even seen a grey-market DVD, and that's a shame.

FYI: Do NOT get this movie confused with other films that use the same title.

ARE YOU IN THE HOUSE ALONE? was released at least once, on legit VHS. However, I can NOT remember the name of the company.

It's also been released on region one DVD by SHOUT FACTORY / SCREAM FACTORY ( paired with THE INITIATION OF SARAH ).


I think most folks recognize Ms. Beller from the night-time soap DYNASTY.

The show was released on region one DVD by PARAMOUNT.


Does anyone remember watching her in THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER?

It's cheesy fun, regardless of what critics say.

I think it was released on VHS by MCA, and ANCHOR BAY may have released it on region one DVD.



I'll always remember watching her in a movie called THE BETSY.

In my opinion, Kathleen Beller is the main reason to watch this movie, and the only reason this flick still sells.



How can anyone forget her pool scene?! It's one of my favorite nude scenes ever! I love the mood, the pace, and of course Ms. Beller's natural beauty.



The movie was based on the novel by Harold Robbins.

I think the film was released on legit VHS twice. Once by WARNER BROS, and once by CBS / FOX.

As for a legit region one DVD, WARNER BROS released it in butchered FULLscreen form. I will say this, you probably get to see more of Ms. Beller in the FULLscreen version.

FYI: WARNER BROS originally released THE BETSY DVD in a snap-case, and it had a decent looking cover. For whatever reason, they decided to release the keep-case version with a shitty photo cover.


DVD snap-case version ( left ), and the Keep-case version ( right ) - Did they hire a seven year old to photoshop the keep-case cover?

CHARLIE'S ANGELS: SEASON 1 ( MILL CREEK )

I've never been a big fan of "free" network television shows. Most of the shows I like get canceled, because they do NOT conform to the "rules" of mediocrity that control most of the "free" channels.

However, every so often, I'll end up liking a new show ( usually for one season ).

CHARLIE'S ANGELS was about three hot female private investigators - that was the only reason I needed to watch!

It was pure fluff. It was also stupid and trashy.... AND that's why I liked it!


Jaclyn Smith and Farrah Fawcett in the episode THE KILLING KIND

Some first season episodes revolved around characters working in adult entertainment ( they're all portrayed as bad people - no surprise there ).

CHARLIE'S ANGELS popularity was based primarily on SEX APPEAL. So, their morally superior attitude towards the adult industry is incredibly hypocritical.

Why do I say that?... Because, they had NO problem repeatedly exploiting that subject matter in many of their episodes.

They also did NOT have a problem exploiting the actresses bodies, especially Farrah's NIPPLES.

Think of all those braless shots of Farrah. She could have Poked-out a co-worker's eye with one of her nipples!... Maybe Cal / OSHA should have been called... ha-ha-ha.


Apparently, there were some behind the scenes mini-scandals. Two of the original ANGELS left, and after five seasons, the show was cancelled.


Screengrabs from the episode BLUE ANGELS

For me, CHARLIE'S ANGELS was like a weekly made-for-tv exploitation flick.

The original angels - Jaclyn Smith, Kate Jackson, Farrah Fawcett ( 1947 – 2009 ) - were my favorites, and that's why I prefer season one over the others.



CHARLIE'S ANGELS was originally released on region one DVD by SONY ( "best of" sets, individual seasons, and complete series ).

MILL CREEK is re-releasing the series on region one DVD.

I only paid six dollars for the season one set - it's nice to have money left in my pocket!


SEASON ONE contains four single sided discs on one spindle ( in a standard sized case ). There's NOTHING wrong with the way they're packed!... Ignore the retards that say otherwise!

EXTRAS - None

INSERTS - None


Disc one menu
Disc ONE contains the following episodes...
PILOT
HELLRIDE
THE MEXICAN CONNECTION
NIGHT OF THE STRANGLER
ANGELS IN CHAINS


Disc two menu
Disc TWO contains the following episodes...
TARGET: ANGELS
THE KILLING KIND
TO KILL AN ANGEL
LADY KILLER
BULLSEYE
CONSENTING ADULTS


Disc three menu
Disc THREE contains the following episodes...
THE SEANCE
ANGELS ON WHEELS
ANGEL TRAP
THE BIG TAP-OUT
ANGELS ON A STRING
DIRTY BUSINESS


Disc four menu
Disc FOUR contains the following episodes...
THE VEGAS CONNECTION
TERROR ON WARD ONE
DANCING IN THE DARK
I WILL BE REMEMBERED
ANGELS AT SEA
THE BLUE ANGELS


Screengrabs from the episode THE KILLING KIND

There's also NOTHING wrong with the picture quality!

You're probably going to encounter one or two negative comments about this set - usually from SHIT-HEADS that do NOT even own the DVD they're criticizing!

There are far too many pussies that automatically hate anything made by MILL CREEK and a few other companies.... IGNORE THOSE FUCKING IDIOTS!


Screengrabs from the episode NIGHT OF THE STRANGLER

Most of the complaining comes from I-AM-DESPERATE-FOR-ATTENTION-YOUTUBE-TROLLS. They learn new terms, such as BITRATE, and become instant experts.

Some TECHNO-TROLLS drone on and on and on, about BITRATES. Well, most Americans do NOT know what a FUCKING BITRATE is!... And more importantly, they DON'T care!

Most of those DOUCHEBAGS seem to care more about the TECHNICAL ASPECTS of a DISC, than the actual movie!

Let me point out the obvious, THEY HAVE SHIT FOR BRAINS!


Screengrabs from the episode DIRTY BUSINESS

There's also another group of people that thumb their noses at shows like CHARLIE'S ANGELS. Those idiots actually think it's demeaning - they must have had an absurdly sheltered life! Ironically, most of those PECKER-HEADS are men... GLEE FANS?...

Most of those guys consider themselves card-carrying "feminists". These self-loathing males probably idolize INSANE-MAN-HATING-ABOMINATIONS like Andrea Dworkin.

Male-feminists?... I guess, that's another term for PUSSY! Whenever one of those POMPOUS-PRICKS starts busting-my-chops, I ask them how long they've been on estrogen... That really pisses them off... Don't get your panties in a bind!

Sorry, I couldn't help myself folks.... Anyway, I love this DVD set.



THE CHARLIE'S ANGELS MOVIES.....

I saw the first one for free ( in the theater ).

I liked Drew Barrymore, and I thought it was an OK experience. However, I truly disliked the other two "angels" ( I wanted to throw something at the screen every time they appeared ).


1981 newspaper ad for CHARLIE'S ANGELS - with two NEW angels

As for the second movie... I still remember all the HYPE, and more HYPE, and still more HYPE.... I was so FUCKING SICK AND TIRED of seeing their smug faces promoting that cinematic CRAPFEST everywhere!

The first flick was released on region one DVD by SONY. The second movie was also released on region one DVD by SONY.

I almost forgot about the tv show remake. Movies aren't the only unnecessary remakes! The complete series ( nine episodes? ) was supposedly released on MOD-DVD by SONY.


Farrah Fawcett ( 1947 – 2009 ), and David Doyle ( 1929 – 1997 ), in the episode BLUE ANGELS

Well, "that's all folks"......

SHOCK CINEMA 45

Front cover of SHOCK CINEMA 45

It's been a VERY long time since I've read SHOCK CINEMA. Why?.. for many reasons...

Most of the book stores in my area don't sell it.

Plus, I really don't like reading interviews with actors, and actresses. The LESS I KNOW about them, the better!

Many times, I'll meet someone I like watching on screen, and I end up being pissed-off by their behavior. Far too many of these folks are EGOMANIACAL ASSHOLES, while others are SHAMELESS SCUMBAGS.

For the most part, I've learned my lesson... and yet, I still fuck-up every once-an-a-while.

In addition, I DON'T like reading reviews.

I much prefer reading articles about movies, and the behind the scenes experiences of the filmmakers.

I also love reading about movie theaters ( walk-in and drive-in ). Unfortunately, NOBODY seems to be writing about theaters!

You can also add articles about movie memorabilia to the list... There's NOT enough of them out there.

Anyway, I drove across town to a BARNES & NOBLE that has a far larger variety of books and magazines than my neighborhood store. Sure enough I saw SHOCK CINEMA 45. So, I picked up a copy and left.


TITLE - SHOCK CINEMA 45
AUTHOR - Various ( editor Steven Puchalski )
COVER ARTIST - None ( photo cover )
CARD STOCK COVER
BINDING - saddle stitch ( stapled )
PAGES - 52
MEASUREMENTS - approximately 8.5" wide x 11" tall
PURCHASED FROM - Barnes & Noble
PRICE - $5.00

CONTENTS OF ISSUE 45 are.....
Editorial ( PAGE 1 )
Peter Stormare interview ( PAGE 3 - 6, plus page 48 )
Stacy Keach interview ( PAGE 8 - 15, plus page 48 )
Film reviews ( PAGE 16 - 27 )
Robert Loggia interview ( PAGE 28 - 29 )
Jenny Wright interview ( PAGE 31 - 35 )
Charles Dierkop interview ( PAGE 36 - 41, plus page 46 )
DVDementia ( PAGE 43 - 45 )
Underground oddities ( PAGE 46 - 47 )
Shocking books ( PAGE 47 )
Mags, zines and small-press publications ( PAGE 48 )
DVD / VIDEO distributors ( PAGE 48 )

ADVERTISERS IN THIS ISSUE ARE.....
Countess Dracula ( SYNAPSE ) inside front cover
Corruption ( GRINDHOUSE RELEASING ) PAGE 2
Cinema Wasteland ( convention & catalog ) PAGE 7
J4HI.com PAGE 15
Thundercrack! ( SYNAPSE ) PAGE 22
Videoscreams & Diabolik PAGE 30
Bloodgore Video & THAT'S SEXPLOITATION ( SWV ) PAGE 41
SHOCK CINEMA back issues PAGE 42
HEADPRESS inside back cover
BEARMANOR MEDIA back cover


Back cover of SHOCK CINEMA 45

DO I WANT MY MONEY BACK?..... No

I have NO problem calling SHOCK CINEMA one of the BEST American MOVIE magazines in existence.

It's fun to read - how many publications can you honestly say that about? In fact, even when I DON'T agree with the reviews, or like the folks being interviewed, I still have a good time reading it.

FYI: I HATE "horror" magazines. I have NEVER considered them to be true movie mags. Why?.. because of their narrow focus, and even narrower views on film in general.

It does NOT help that many of the horror-rag editors seem to possess the mentality of twelve year olds... And did I mention all the nepotism, ass-kissing, and total lack of integrity?

Plus, a few of those SHAMELESS editors even DEFEND celebrity CHILD RAPISTS!... Are those the types of MORALLY-BANKRUPT individuals you want to support?

I hope Mr. Puchalski does NOT defend degenerates.

MOVIE ADS: THE NEW COMERS

THE NEW COMERS is supposedly one of several x-rated films made by Lloyd Kaufman ( yes, TOXIE's father ).

THE NEW COMERS - aka SEVEN DELICIOUS WISHES - appears to be "lost".

I've been told, that THE NEW COMERS may have been intentionally destroyed. But, I can NOT confirm that as fact.

I can NOT find any clips from the film.

I also can NOT find any legit - or grey market - VHS tapes, DVDs, or online videos.



If anyone has actually seen this movie, or knows if this film still exists, let me know.

Some of the cast members are..... Harry Reems ( 1947 - 2013 ), Tina Russell ( 1948 – 1981 ), Jamie Gillis ( 1943 - 2010 ), Georgina Spelvin, and many others.

MOVIE ADS: AROUND THE WORLD WITH FANNY HILL

A lot of "Fanny Hill" flicks exist, and this is one of my favorites.

AROUND THE WORLD WITH FANNY HILL stars, Shirley Corrigan, Peter Bonke, Gaby Fuchs ( I love saying her name ), and others. Even Christina Lindberg shows up!

This movie is pure fluff, and has tons of fully naked female eye-candy... yeah!

I think AROUND THE WORLD WITH FANNY HILL was released on legit VHS here in the United States. But, I don't remember the name of the company.

As for a legit region one DVD, I haven't found one. I've been told, there are several grey-market versions floating around.

Below is a SHORT list of other FANNY HILL flicks.....

FANNY HILL: MEMOIRS OF A WOMAN OF PLEASURE ( Russ Meyer - Letícia Román )

THE NOTORIOUS DAUGHTER OF FANNY HILL ( Peter Perry Jr. - Stacey Walker )

FANNY HILL MEETS THE RED BARON ( Barry Mahon - Susan Evans )

FANNY HILL MEETS DR. EROTICO ( Barry Mahon - Susan Evans )

FANNY HILL MEETS LADY CHATTERLY ( Barry Mahon - Susan Evans )

THE YOUNG EROTIC FANNY HILL ( Joseph W. Sarno - Tallie Cochrane )

FANNY HILL ( Mac Ahlberg - Diana Kjaer )

And there are MANY other "FANNY HILL" flims.....

This movie is also known as JORDEN RUNT MED FANNY HILL.

RANT: AMAZON RETARD REVIEWERS!

Does anyone at AMAZON pay attention to what's posted in the review sections?!

Is anybody else sick and tired of all the FUCKING RETARDS that post so-called "reviews"?

I think it's safe to say that at least HALF of the so-called "reviews" posted on AMAZON are FUCKING USELESS. Especially when the subject is movies, and books.

As a consumer, I do NOT care about other people's OPINIONS of movies or books - that includes opinions from professional movie and book critics. I just want to know about he actual product!

Most of those DOUCHEBAGS, do NOT tell you anything about the product. They just ramble on, and on, and on, about how much the movie - or book - sucked.... That's their opinion, NOT a fucking fact!

They DON'T even tell you which version of said movie they're reviewing!

Is it a DVD?, DVD-R?, HD-DVD?, BLU-RAY?, VIDEO CD?, BETA?, VHS?, LASERDISC?, VIDEODISC?, online version?... Which one damn-it?!

Many movies have been released by more than one company, and some companies have released certain titles more than once.

How difficult is it, to tell everyone which company made your DVD?

How many discs?... 1 disc?, 2 discs?, 3 discs?

Is it the UN-cut version?, R-rated version?, censored version?

Is it WIDEscreen?, or FULLscreen?

Does it have "burned-in" subtitles?

Is it a double sided disc?, or single sided?

Is it a "pressed" disc, or an MOD?

Is it region one?... Two?, Three?, Four?, etc....

I know that AMAZON has added small description labels, such as "DVD", and "AMAZON INSTANT VIDEO", but it's still NOT specific enough. Plus, AMAZON's product descriptions have been WRONG far too many times.

You also have countless SHIT-HEADS using the review section to complain about SERVICE ISSUES!... Things like, the way their package was shipped to them. Or they didn't get their package, or they got the wrong product, or it was broken, and on, and on, and on!

Address your complaint to AMAZON, or the THIRD-PARTY SELLER you purchased it from!... Those same SHIT-HEADS proceed to give the product an undeserved BAD rating!

There are also countless DOUCHEBAGS that give PRODUCTS a BAD rating, because THEY did NOT read the product description!... There was one person that ordered a DVD, thinking he was ordering a plastic model kit!

I also remember some STUPID BITCH that purchased a DVD collection of TRAILERS. She was pissed because they were NOT full movies. She did NOT read the product description, but still gave the item a BAD rating!

GET YOUR BRAIN-DEAD HEADS OUT OF YOUR FAT-ASSES!

Sometimes, it seems as if the same person is posting countless negative - or positive - reviews under different names ( they do the same thing on the IMDB ).

People like that, should be banned from posting "reviews"!

Hey AMAZON, get rid of all those FUCKING TROLLS... ONCE AND FOR ALL!

I should have posted this years ago, when I still HAD an account with AMAZON. Oh well, better late than never.

FYI: Many folks like myself still use the AMAZON website as a reference tool.

This has been a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT, we now return you to our regularly scheduled program.....

8MM MOVIE ADS

Before I started watching and buying VHS / BETA tapes, and long before the DVD era, I collected 8mm movie reels.

During the mid 70s to early 80s, you could find cheap 8mm / 16mm films at swap-meets held all over southern California ( at drive-in theaters ).



However, I could never find a cheap functioning projector to view them. Plus, my folks had already disposed of their projectors.

Most of those reels contained clips of old westerns, or old horror movies, or old crime flicks, or old sci-fi movies. Some were filled with cartoons... And of course, nudie loops.

I got rid of those films, and most of my movie memorabilia, when I left California.



Countless rare, previously UNreleased, and micro-budget films are released on manufactured on demand DVD-Rs.

Nowadays, those types of discs are as close to 8mm / 16mm reels as you're going to get.



Companies such as SOMETHING WEIRD, J4HI, and TRASH PALACE are the spiritual successors to all those 8mm / 16mm mail order companies.

ZIPPERFACE UN-CUT

ECHO BRIDGE has released the un-cut version of the low-budget thriller called ZIPPERFACE ( region one DVD ).

The cheesy-sleazy film is part of a twenty movie pack called 20 HORROR FILMS.



It's actually two 10 packs in a cardboard slip-case ( standard sized DVD cases ).

Each set contains 2 single sided discs.

I found it at WALMART for less than ten dollars.



When I got it home, I noticed that each case had a loose DVD. One disc in each set was scratched. However, they played perfectly, and that's what matters.

The discs were loose because one spindle in each case was broken.


ECHO BRIDGE DVD menu

Also, the two discs from the first set were in the second case, and vice versa!

The only other region one DVD of ZIPPERFACE, is the CUT version released by GLOBAL MULTIMEDIA CORPORATION ( it was made to sell for one dollar ).



All the nude scenes and some of the violence were cut from the GLOBAL DVD.

The ECHO BRIDGE version clocks-in at over 89 minutes, and is presented in FULLscreen. The GLOBAL version is slightly over 86 minutes long and is also FULLscreen.

FYI: I'm still going to hold onto my censored GLOBAL version.

My original ZIPPERFACE post is here ( click link below ).

ZIPPERFACE ( GLOBAL DVD )

MOVIE ADS: CHAMBER MAIDS

As I've said before, I was fond of Andrea True ( 1943 – 2011 ).

Some of her films seem to be "lost".

I don't know if CHAMBER MAIDS was ever released on legit VHS, or DVD.

Various companies have released her movies on VHS, DVD, and DVD-R.