Friday, June 24, 2011

DICK



DIRECTOR:
Andrew Fleming

WRITERS:
Andrew Fleming
Sheryl Longin

CAST:
Kirsten Dunst
Michelle Williams
Dan Hedaya
Will Ferrell
Bruce McCulloch
Teri Garr
Devon Gummersall
Shannon Lawson
Karl Pruner
Dave Foley
Jim Breuer
Ana Gasteyer
Harry Shearer
Saul Rubinek
Brenda Devine
Ted McGinley
Ryan Reynolds
Brunswick ( as Checkers )


Betsy Jobs ( Kirsten Dunst )


Arlene Lorenzo ( Michelle Williams )


President "Dick" Nixon ( Dan Hedaya )


Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein ( Will Ferrell and Bruce McCulloch )


G. Gordon Liddy and Bob Haldeman ( Harry Shearer and Dave Foley )


Henry Kissinger ( Saul Rubinek )

Betsy and Arlene are two high school girls that become involved in a political scandal called "Watergate".

One night, they witness the break-in of the Democratic National Committee headquarters.

The next day, they go on a school field-trip to the White House.

While wandering around, the girls spot Liddy. Minutes later, Liddy tells Haldeman about the girls. Haldeman introduces himself and takes the girls to meet President Nixon.

Bob informs Nixon that Betsy and Arlene are witnesses to the Watergate break-in. Dick quickly hatches a plan to keep them quiet.

Dick makes them the official White House dog walkers.

Both girls become obsessed with Dick.

Betsy and Arlene make a batch of cookies - accidently laced with marihuana - and give them to Dick. Soon after, Dick becomes euphoric and the girls are happy that Dick is happy.

The girls accidently hear an audio tape of Dick spewing hate filled rants and expletives.

The next day, they confront Dick. They find out that Dick has been penetrating the private areas of their lives. Dick has files with information about their families.

Yelling ensues and the girls end-up agitating Dick.

Seconds later, Dick begins throbbing with anger, and becomes extremely hard on both of the girls. Then Dick suddenly erupts with passionate venom. The girls run in fear.

Both Betsy and Arlene are sickened by an out-of-control Dick. In fact, the mere mention of the word Dick, fills their nether regions with disgust.

It's even more distressing for Arlene. She really really loved Dick. But now, Dick leaves a bad taste in her mouth.

The girls decide to contact two Washington Post reporters called WOODward and Bernstein. They give them info about Dick.

WOODward and Bernstein tell the girls they need hard evidence pointing towards Dick. So the girls tell them about Dick's audio tapes.

Later that evening, Betsy and Arlene go on a secret mission to Haldeman's house.

Meanwhile, WOODward and Bernstein probe deeper, deeper, and deeper into the Watergate scandal that's spread out in front of them.

BUTT, Dick is slippery. He and his cohorts aren't done scheming.

Betsy and Arlene shared Dick and held Dick in high regard. However, due to Dick's despicable behavior they've become repulsed and frightened of Dick.

The girls make a transcript of an incriminating audio tape and hand it to WOODward and Bernstein.

Has Dick become too big for his britches?

Will Betsy and Arlene escape Dick's wrath?

Will reporters WOODward and Bernstein become famous for exposing Dick?

And last, BUTT, not least, will Dick finally be declared impotent and kicked-out of office?....





QUOTES:
Liddy: "By the time you kids are grown, you'll be living in the Soviet Union Of America"

Betsy: "French Fries!.. French Fries!"

Liddy: "As far as you're concerned, I have no identity at all, as a matter of fact, I'm not even here"

Betsy: "This isn't TP, it's just some piece of paper with names and amounts of money on it"

Nixon: "You're supposed to love me Checkers"

Haldeman: "Sir, I've met yams with more going on upstairs than those two"

Nixon: "Call me Dick"

Arlene: "You are a meanie!"

Larry: "Doesn't anybody realize that Kung Fu isn't Chinese? He doesn't even look Chinese. He looks like the mailman"

Kissinger: "What, What?!.. Don't you give me that look!"

Nixon: "I'll be a monkey's uncle, if these aren't the yummiest cookies I've ever had"

Arlene: "I love Dick!"

Nixon: "No way, Jose!"

Arlene: "I hate Dick!"

Betsy: "You can't let Dick run your life!"

Betsy: "They'll never lie to us again..."


Betsy: "Again?.. they must never let him out"
Arlene: "I know. Would you look at all that shit?"
Both of them: "ooooh..."
Arlene: "Oh, I mean, poo-poo..."

VIDEO INFO:
DVD
WIDEscreen
Color
Region one
Company - Sony
Rated PG-13
Extra #1 - "Director and screenwriter's commentary"
Extra #2 - "Making-of featurette"
Extra #3 - "Deleted scene"
Extra #4 - "Blooper reel"
Extra #5 - DICK trailer
Extra #6 - CAN'T HARDLY WAIT trailer - starring Ms. Hewitt's body... why else would any guy watch this?...
Extra #7 - SPICE WORLD trailer... a true obscenity... ha-ha-ha-ha...
Extra #8 - "Talent files"
Inserts - None


Mrs. Spinner: "Every lie is another brick in the pathway to hell"

OBTAINED AT - Big Lots

PRICE - $3.00









DO I WANT MY MONEY BACK?:
NO!...

In my opinion, this is one of the best lampoons ever, and if you disagree, then you suck dick!

Look at Dick, see Dick jump, see Dick go up, see Dick go down, oops, sorry folks, I got Dick confused with those old "Dick and Jane" books... Anyway, watch Dick, you'll love Dick!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

EVIL TWINS: WHISKY & VODKA



PART 22 OF 22

Pili and Mili were portrayed by real life twins Pilar and Emilia Bayona.

When I was young, I loved watching their movies whenever the local tv stations would air them.

I also wanted to do countless unplatonic things with them... both of them... at the same time... LOL... even as a kid, I was an optimist... ha-ha-ha-ha...

Anyway, this movie is about the wacky adventures of Millie O'Connor from the United States, and Ilinka Gorin from the Soviet Union.

That's all I remember about the movie's story. But I still remember Pili and Mili.

Just for the record, this movie is part musical, and part golly-gee-whiz family flick. Those are two genres of movies I hate. But, I was just a boy who didn't know any better... ha-ha-ha...

I don't remember this movie ever being released on VHS, and there has never been a legit region one DVD, only bootlegs.

This is PART 22 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: SISTERS



PART 21 OF 22

Danielle and Dominique are Siamese twins - played by Margot Kidder. They're separated, and that's when the fun starts.

SISTERS is a true EVIL twin flick.

Ms. Kidder is really great in this movie.

I love it, and highly recommend it.

SISTERS was sold on VHS by HOMEVISION / WARNER BROS / ORION.

It's available on region one DVD by CRITERION.

This is PART 21 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: SINGLE WHITE FEMALE



PART 20 OF 22

Hedy - played by Jennifer Jason Leigh - had a twin sister that died when she was a child. Now she wants to replace her with Allie - played by Bridget Fonda - and she's determined to do it any way she can.

It's no exaggeration to call Jennifer Jason Leigh, one of the best actresses in the history of Hollywood. She's also one of my personal favorites.

SINGLE WHITE FEMALE was sold on VHS by COLUMBIA TRISTAR.

It's available on region one DVD by SONY. NOTE: there's two versions of this DVD. One contains both WIDEscreen and FULLscreen versions of the film. The other one only has the WIDEscreen version.

This is PART 20 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: SCISSORS



PART 19 OF 22

The highly UNderrated Steve Railsback portrays twin brothers. Their names are Alex and Cole.

Angie - played by Sharon Stone - is their new neighbor. She's a sexy babe with mental problems. She's also being stalked and harassed. Is it the twins, or someone else?

SCISSORS was sold on VHS by PARAMOUNT.

There has never been a legit region one DVD. A bootleg is the only way you're going to get this movie on DVD. Or you can record the butchered version onto DVD-R whenever it airs on THIS TV.

This is PART 19 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: RAISING CAIN



PART 18 OF 22

Do multiple personalities qualify as twins? Not technically, but to hell with technicalities!

As far as I'm concerned, the most evil cinematic twins are multiple personalities, and Carter - played by John Lithgow - has at least three or four evil bastards inside him.

John Lithgow kicks ass in this movie. He is fucking awesome! His performance alone is worth the price of admission!

RAISING CAIN was sold on VHS by MCA UNIVERSAL HOME VIDEO.

It's available on region one DVD from UNIVERSAL.

You can also get it as part of a triple pack, featuring RAISING CAIN, THE WATCHER and FEAR. It's also from UNIVERSAL.

Or you can buy it as a four pack. This version of the collection contains, RAISING CAIN, THE WATCHER, FEAR and A KISS BEFORE DYING. Once again, it's from UNIVERSAL.

This is PART 18 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

Saturday, June 4, 2011

EVIL TWINS: THE PATTY DUKE SHOW



PART 17 OF 22

Patty and Cathy - played by Patty Duke - are TWINS, but they're also COUSINS. I repeat, they're IDENTICAL TWIN COUSINS... cue the banjo music... ha-ha-ha....

The whole concept is bizarre, and yet nobody ever talks about it.

As a kid, I loved watching this old show. I thought Patty Duke was hot. So as twins, it was twice as nice.

I remember having countless dirty thoughts about them.

I don't think this show was ever released on legit VHS. I only remember seeing BOOTLEG VHS sets.

As of June 4 2011, the first, second and thrid seasons are now on region one DVD from SHOUT FACTORY.

This is PART 17 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: THE PARENT TRAP



PART 16 OF 22

Hayley Mills plays Susan and Sharon.

I have NOT seen this movie since I was a kid.

The girls were trying to get their divorced parents back together. That's all I remember about the movie.

It was released on VHS by DISNEY / BUENA VISTA.

It was also released on region one DVD from DISNEY / BUENA VISTA. It's out-of-print.

As of June 4 2011, it's only available as part of a double feature with PARENT TRAP II ( also from DISNEY / BUENA VISTA ).

This is PART 16 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: LOST HIGHWAY



PART 15 OF 22

Super-sexy Patricia Arquette plays Renee and Alice. They're doppelgangers, but only one of them may exist in the real world.

It's surreal, bizarre and beautiful to look at.

This is one of my favorite David Lynch movies.

It was sold on VHS by POLYGRAM.

It's available on region one DVD from UNIVERSAL.

This is PART 15 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: JACK'S BACK



PART 14 OF 22

This is one of my favorite films from the 80's.

James Spader plays John and Richard. John is murdered and Richard gets blamed for it.

I really like this movie a lot.

JACK'S BACK was released on VHS by PARAMOUNT.

This movie has NEVER been released on legit region one DVD.

As of June 4 2011, it's only sold as a BOOTLEG DVD.

It's also available to watch for free online from companies like HULU.

This is PART 14 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: THE INITIATION



PART 13 OF 22

Daphne Zuniga plays Kelly Fairchild, a cute college freshman that's trying to get into a fraternity.

THE INITIATION is one of my favorite cheesy-sleazy-slasher flicks.

Every time Kelly gets mesmerized while looking into a mirror, I start laughing. Yes, it's an omen!... you have an EVIL TWIN!... run for your life!

The nudity in THE INITIATION earned this movie "Hall of Fame" status from MR. SKIN... ha-ha-ha....

This movie was released on VHS by THORN EMI VIDEO.

It was released on region one DVD by ANCHOR BAY. That version is out-of-print. As of June 4 2011, it's still available as part of a double feature with MOUNTAINTOP MOTEL MASSACRE.

This is PART 13 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: IMPULSE



PART 12 OF 22

Jonathan Dennison and Simon Phillips - played by Angus Macfadyen - are doppelgangers that end up as mortal enemies. This is the direct result of the most intimate type of mistaken identity a person can experience.

Claire - Willa Ford - meets a man at a bar. She takes him to her hotel room and has kinky sex with him.

Claire thinks she's role-playing with her hubby Jonathan.

The next morning she gets a call from her husband, surprise!... the naked guy walking around her room is NOT Jonathan!... ha-ha-ha-ha...

This movie was released on region one DVD by SONY.

This is PART 12 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: THE GUILTY



PART 11 OF 22

Bonita Granville plays Estelle and Linda Mitchell.

Love, lust, selfishness and of course death, are all part of the story.

This is NOT your typical "evil twin" flick, and that's all I'm going to say.

This is a highly UNderrated and extremely rare movie.

I only saw it twice via bootleg VHS in the late 70s, but I still remember it.

To the best of my knowledge, this movie has NEVER been legitimately released on VHS, BETA, LASERDISC, VCD, HD-DVD, DVD or BLU-RAY!

As of June 4 2011, this movie is still NOT available as a MOD - Manufactured On Demand - DVD.

In fact, it's NOT even available to view as a VOD ( Video On Demand )!

I also don't know if this movie had a legit home video release outside of the United States.

I do NOT like, nor do I promote BOOTLEGS. However, this movie is not officially available in the United States on ANY format. So if you can find a quality bootleg, buy it!

This is PART 11 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: EQUINOX



PART 10 OF 22

Henry Petosa and Freddy Ace are twin brothers that were separated at birth.

Neither of them is aware of the other's existence.

One is an honest citizen, and the other is a criminal.

This is one of my favorite "twin" films.

Matthew Modine plays the twins.

Great actors M. Emmet Walsh and Fred Ward are in this movie.

The gorgeous Marisa Tomei also appears in EQUINOX.

It was released on VHS by COLUMBIA TRISTAR HOME VIDEO.

There's no legit region one DVD, but bootlegs exist.

As far as I know, this movie is NOT available as a MOD - Manufactured On Demand - DVD.

This is PART 10 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

Friday, June 3, 2011

EVIL TWINS: DOUBLE TROUBLE ( MOVIE )



PART 9 OF 22

DOUBLE TROUBLE is a 1990s movie that has absolutely nothing to do with the 1980s television show by the same name.

These guys are NOT evil twins. Unless you think horrible acting is evil, ha-ha-ha-ha....

The Jade brothers were portrayed by real life twins Peter and David Paul.

Yes, I admit it, I like this movie... there I said it... oh the shame....

Anyway, one brother is a cop, the other is a criminal. Do you really need to know more?

Did I mention that Roddy McDowall is in this movie? Well he is, and so is David Carradine.

It was released on VHS by COLUMBIA TRISTAR HOME VIDEO ( SONY ).

There's no legit region one DVD, but there are bootlegs.

This is PART 9 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

Thursday, June 2, 2011

EVIL TWINS: DOUBLE TROUBLE ( TV SHOW )



PART 8 OF 22

DOUBLE TROUBLE was a tv show that aired on NBC in the early 1980s.

They were NOT evil twins.

Kate and Allison Foster were portrayed by real life twins Jean and Liz Sagal. They also happen to be Katey Sagal's sisters.

Oh boy, I remember all the dirty thoughts I had about these two... BUTT seriously folks, I thought DOUBLE TROUBLE was harmless escapism.

Yes, it was one of those lame-ass sitcoms. The sisters would get into sitcky situations and wackiness would ensue.

DOUBLE TROUBLE was a "guilty pleasure", except I felt NO guilt about liking this show.

As far as I know, the show was never officially released on region one DVD. In fact, I don't remember it being on VHS either.

I've seen bootleg collections - of the entire series - at conventions. But purchasing sets like that, is a huge waste of money. Why? Because you're just buying CRAP!... The bootleg DVD versions are usually transferred from homemade VHS recordings!

This is PART 8 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are not technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: THE DOUBLE LIFE OF VERONIQUE



PART 7 OF 22

Ok, so VĆ©ronique ( Irene Jacob ) lives in France, and she has a doppelganger that lives in Poland, and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.... sorry, I must have fallen asleep.

Do you really want to know more about this movie?... then rent it.... lol.

Yes, this is an ARTSY FARTSY flick. I went through an "artsy fartsy" phase for a short time - during the 1990s - I'm over it now... lol.

I saw this in Santa Monica when it was new.

Irene Jacob's physical beauty was obviously the main reason I saw this movie. but, like I said before, I was going through a phase. So I convinced myself, that I was watching it for intellectual reasons. Hey, we all make mistakes right?....

It was released on VHS by I DON'T CARE.

A over-priced region one DVD is available from CRITERION.

This is PART 7 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: DOPPELGANGER



PART 6 OF 22

Patrick ( George Newbern ) makes the mistake of falling for a woman called Holly ( Drew Barrymore ). He soon finds out the hard way, that all is not well.

In fact, according to Holly, she's got a doppelganger, and that twin is the naughty one.

This movie contains the infamous shower of blood scene. It created a needless controversy when the movie first came out.

DOPPELGANGER has an unexpected and truly bizarre ending that you must see. Warning, it's not for the squeamish.

It was released on VHS by FOX HOME ENTERTAINMENT.

It is also available on region one DVD by ARTISAN.

This is PART 6 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: DEAD RINGERS



PART 5 OF 22

Beverly and Elliot Mantle are twins, they're both gynecologists, and they've both developed feelings for the same woman. All of these ingredients lead to trouble.

Jeremy Irons plays the twins, and he is incredible.

GeneviĆØve Bujold plays Claire, the woman they both get involved with. As usual, she does a great job. I always loved seeing her on screen.

This is one of the most original evil twin movies I've ever seen. I guess that's not a surprise since David Cronenberg is the director.

This movie will creep you out.

DEAD RINGERS was released on VHS by MEDIA HOME ENTERTAINMENT.

WARNER BROS, ANCHOR BAY, and CRITERION have all released their own versions of this movie on region one DVD.

This is PART 5 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: THE DARK MIRROR



PART 4 OF 22

Olivia de Havilland portays twins called Terry and Ruth Collins.

One of them is suspected of murdering a man.

Naturally, there's lots of confusion about which one of them killed the man, and which one of them is the GOOD twin.

This movie was released on VHS by REPUBLIC PICTURES.

There is NO legit region one DVD, only bootlegs. However, there is a legit region two DVD by KOCK MEDIA.

This is PART 4 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: CITIZEN TOXIE ( TOXIC AVENGER IV )



PART 3 OF 22

This is the fourth movie in the TOXIC AVENGER franchise.

Toxie manages to get transported to a parallel universe. It appears to be the same TROMAVILLE he knows and loves, but it's not. His goodness is considered evil in this version of TROMAVILLE.

Meanwhile, Noxie - his evil doppelganger twin - has been transported to his beloved TROMAVILLE. Noxie proceeds to cause death and destruction every chance he gets. People think Noxie is Toxie.

Will Toxie find his way back?

Will he be able to stop his evil twin?

Will Noxie take advantage of the situation by having sex with Toxie's wife?....

This movie was released on VHS by TROMA.

It's also available on region free DVD by TROMA.

This is PART 3 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

EVIL TWINS: BLOOD RAGE



PART 2 OF 22

BLOOD RAGE ( AKA NIGHTMARE AT SHADOW WOODS ) is a true evil twin movie.

Mark Soper portrays Todd and his twin brother Terry.

You know who the killer is, but it doesn't matter, because it's FUN!

It contains a good amount of murder and nudity.

In my opinion, BLOOD RAGE is a truly UNderrated slasher flick.

BLOOD RAGE was sold on VHS by PRISM ENTERTAINMENT.

It was also available on region one DVD - in edited form - under the title NIGHTMARE AT SHADOW WOODS from LEGACY ENTERTAINMENT.

There are BOOTLEG DVDs being sold, but I don't know if it's the UNcut version of the film. You're always taking a big chance with BOOTLEGS.

This is PART 2 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...

EVIL TWINS: ADAPTATION



PART 1 OF 22

Charlie and Donald Kaufman are NOT evil twins, but they are twins.

Charlie is having a really difficult time trying to write a movie script, but his twin brother seems to be able to crank-out anything he wants with ease.

I usually do NOT like movies about moviemaking or writing, but I think this is a very cool movie.

Nicolas Cage kicks ass in his portrayal of twins.

ADAPTATION is available on region one DVD from IMAGE ENTERTAINMENT. A "superbit" version is available from SONY PICTURES. I recommend the regular version by IMAGE ENTERTAINMENT.

This is PART 1 OF 22 in my series of short posts about evil twins... NOTE: not all the twins are evil and some of them are NOT technically twins...