DOCTOR CERBERUS

Franklin Robertson loves horror magazines, and horror movies.

He also loves midnight movie shows hosted by people like DOCTOR CERBERUS.

The story starts when he's thirteen, and ends with him entering adulthood.

DOCTOR CERBERUS is both HILARIOUS and HEARTBREAKING.

I highly recommend you listen to it.

It's available on CD by L.A. THEATRE WORKS ( both AMAZON and BARNES & NOBLE sell it ).

It has also been released as a paperback by DRAMATIST'S PLAY SERVICE ( AMAZON has copies ).

The play was written by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa.

The CD has the voices of.....

Jamison Jones as Doctor Cerberus

Steven Culp as Lawrence Robertson

Pamela J. Gray as Lydia Robertson

Jarrett Sleeper as Rodney Robertson

Simon Helberg - Howard Wolowitz from the BIG BANG THEORY - as Franklin Robertson

The music is by Steven Cahill

SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT FRANCHISE

Well, another year has passed.

It's the time of year when some folks perpetuate the BULLSHIT of SANTA CLAUS.

I still remember the HYSTERICAL behavior of countless movie critics and "concerned citizens", when the first SILENT NIGHT flick was released. It was ABSURD beyond belief!

After all these years, I still do NOT understand why so many ANAL DOUCHEBAGS became so upset.

The American version of the LARDASS in the red suit is secular! I repeat, he is NOT a religious icon. He is NOT a saint!

SANTA CLAUS was NOT hanging out with the three kings and he was NOT at the manger.

The person that named SANTA CLAUS was a FUCKING IDIOT... Santa is the FEMININE version of SAN!... HIS name should be San Claus. However, since he is NOT a SAINT, that title is also inappropriate.

Anyway.....

PART ONE: Silent Night, Deadly Night

Let's face it, the real stars of this flick are all the bouncy boobs, the woman that played Mother Superior, and the guy that played GRAMPA!

I think this film is entertaining... Which is more than I can say for the sequel.



PART TWO: Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2

What can you say about part two?... Way too much recycled footage!

How can you forget the "GARBAGE DAY" scene?... Or the nonchalant expression on Elizabeth Kaitan's face, when her character almost kills "Ricky" with her car?... She's cute and has sexy legs, so everything gets forgiven.



PART THREE: Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!

PART FOUR: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation

PART FIVE: Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker

PART SIX: Silent Night ( REMAKE )

Sorry folks, I never had any intention of watching the other sequels, or the remake.



I think most of these films had legit VHS releases in the United States.

SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT, part one and two, were released on region one DVD two or three times by ANCHOR BAY.

Part three, four, and five were released on region one DVD by LIONSGATE.

SILENT NIGHT was released on region one DVD by ANCHOR BAY.

HO,HO,HO,HO,HO.....

RHONDA AT AFM 1992

Another post about Rhonda Shear... This time she's reporting from the AMERICAN FILM MARKET.



Rhonda Shear is the BEST AFM SOUVENIR EVER!... NONE of the publications on that table are as soft and cuddly as Rhonda!



Anybody remember the FROGTOWN flicks?



Rhonda Shear on the cover of some magazines


Rhonda, please come back.....

PRIVATE SCHOOL POSTER

The poster isn't very exciting, but it gets the job done.

PRIVATE SCHOOL is another 80's T&A comedy.

During the 80s, these types of movies were just as plentiful as slasher flicks.

PRIVATE SCHOOL was written by Dan Greenburg, and Suzanne O'Malley.

It was directed by Noel Black.

Check out this cast..... Phoebe Cates, Matthew Modine, Kathleen Wilhoite, Ray Walston ( 1914 – 2001 ), Sylvia Kristel ( 1952 – 2012 ), and Betsy Russell.



How can anyone forget Betsy Russell's horse ride?

In my opinion, Ms. Russell has actually become even MORE physically attractive with age.



The teaser trailer for PRIVATE SCHOOL is one of my all time favorites. Anyone know the name of the actress in the trailer?

PRIVATE SCHOOL was released on VHS by UNIVERSAL.

A region one DVD was also released by UNIVERSAL.

SHEAR DELIGHT

Why am I posting this?... Because I want to!

BUTT seriously folks, I really miss watching Rhonda Shear on television.

I also loved watching her on MARRIED WITH CHILDREN ( and other shows ).

This lady was genuinely funny, and hotter than a fried chicken's ass!.... I meant that as a compliment!


Just enjoy...



Bart Simpson finally lost his virginity!


I don't think any of the UP ALL NIGHT segments were ever released on legit VHS.

I used to see grey-market DVDs on sale at pop-culture conventions. However, there was NO way I was going to pay twenty dollars for a crappy-ass bootleg.


Rhonda Shear in DALLAS


If you want to see more of Rhonda, you can watch MARRIED WITH CHILDREN ( can't remember which episode ), or DALLAS ( I think she may have done two or three episodes ), or find a used DVD - or VHS - of BASIC TRAINING.



Her official YOUTUBE channel has tons of segments from UP ALL NIGHT.



Rhonda's official website seems to be devoted to her clothing line. There dosen't seem to be anything from her show or movies. That sucks!



She's a HOTTIE, and a SMARTIE... We miss you Rhonda.....

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO GIGI DARLENE?

Gigi Darlene in HOT NIGHTS ON THE CAMPUS

I can NOT find any information on Ms. Darlene's current status.

According to the audio commentary on ALTERNATIVE CINEMA'S SEXPLOITERS DVD, her real name is Leonora Rheine.

I've been told that Gigi Darlene is not her only pseudonym.


Gigi Darlene in MUSIC TO STRIP BY

I thought Leonora Rheine was INCREDIBLY CUTE.

She was the very definition of the word voluptuous!

A color short was the first film I saw her in ( don't remember the name ). That was in the late seventies, and I've loved watching her ever since.

Ms. Rheine was not your typical exploitation queen. She was extremely memorable. The camera REALLY loved her.


Gigi Darlene in HOT NIGHTS ON THE CAMPUS

I don't know if any of her films had a legit VHS release. I could only find her films on bootleg tapes.

THANKSKILLING

What's more appropriate for a turkey of a holiday, than a killer turkey movie?

I've apologized to all turkeys before, and I feel obligated to do it again.

I've used the word turkey in a derogatory manner, but I really mean NO offense to turkeys. I ask for your forgiveness.



It's fun listening to a foul-mouthed killer fowl... Get it?.. foul?.. fowl?.. ha-ha?


Gobble-gobble indeed!

FYI: Part TWO is called part THREE... Just enjoy it, and don't ask questions.

THANKSKILLING was released on region zero DVD ( NTSC ) by MVD VISUAL.

You can also watch it for free on HULU.

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO JUDY ADLER?

Judy Adler in CONFESSIONS OF A BAD GIRL!

I can NOT find info on Ms. Adler's current status.

When I was young, I thought Ms. Adler was amazingly adorable. She was truly unforgettable.

I loved watching her on bootleg VHS tapes during the late 70s.


Judy Adler in HOT NIGHTS ON THE CAMPUS

Ms. Adler never seemed to get the same amount of attention that Gigi Darlene, Darlene Bennett, and June Roberts received.

I do NOT know if Judy Adler is her real name.

Ms. Adler used a few pseudonyms, such as Judy Reinhardt, Judy Young, and maybe a few others.

I do NOT know how many of her films had a legit VHS release.

FALLEN ANGELS

FALLEN ANGELS is a documentary about the adult industry ( as it existed in the early to mid eighties ).

It's honest, unintentionally funny, and much better than you might think.



QUOTE from the film ( customer that's renting the CAMP BEAVERLAKE tape ) - "It's a funny title... Ya' know, when I was a kid and went to camp, I always looked for beaver. Now that I'm an adult, I'm still looking for beaver"

Do you think these customers ever got together and had in-depth discussions about these flims?... "Did the blowjob in scene three, represent humanity's callous and destructive attitude towards mother nature?"...... hummmm.....

I wonder if some of those guys slept with their rental tapes? ( like a kid sleeps with a teddy bear ).



At one point, you'll see Traci Lords attending the premiere of NEW WAVE HOOKERS. Obviously, this happened BEFORE her secret was exposed.

There was a time, when a lot of adult movies were actually real movies - but with real sex.

So please keep in mind, that when this documentary was released, most adult "films" were NO longer real "movies".

You can NOT compare films like THE PRIVATE AFTERNOONS OF PAMELA MANN, or THE DEVIL IN MISS JONES, or even WANDA WHIPS WALL STREET, to all the lowest common denominator shot-on-video crapfests that replaced them.

The mid eighties seemed to be the beginning of the end for real adult movies. When I say "real adult movies", I'm referring to films that actually used SCRIPTS with real stories, and gasp, exterior scenes shot on location!


"parking in rear"... get it?... ha-ha-ha....


What do you suppose he's thinking about?.... ha-ha-ha-ha....

I don't know which company released FALLEN ANGELS on VHS. But, I do remember winning this tape - and a few others - in a video rental store contest. I no longer have it, or the other tapes.

As far as I know, a legit region one DVD does NOT exist. However, you can get a grey-market DVD-R from J4HI.COM... NOTE: I do NOT own a copy, so I can't tell you if it's worth buying.

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO DARLENE & DAWN BENNETT?

Darlene Bennett in SEX PERILS OF PAULETTE ( top ), and THE ROOM MATES ( bottom )

I can NOT find any current info on the Bennett sisters.

The mid to late seventies was when I first saw them - via bootleg VHS ( it was a short film ).

Anyway, I never forgot them.

Darlene was my favorite.



Darlene ( left ), and Dawn ( right ), in NAKED FURY

They always seemed to have fun performing, and that always put a smile on my face.

I don't know if either of them used their real names.

SYNAPSE released OLGA'S GIRLS - with Darlene - on DVD.

A WAD OF CHEWING GUM, A DUST BUNNY, AND A USED TAMPON...

Could you save the world with a wad of chewing gum, a dust bunny, and a used tampon?!.... Well, MacGyver could!

That guy was really handy with just about anything!

This show was McCheesy and that's why I liked it. Plus, Richard Dean Anderson seemed to be having fun with his role.

I never watched the entire series, but I did enjoy the episodes I saw.



As you probably know, MacGyver was played by Richard Dean Anderson.

One of my favorite episodes was called MacGYVER's WOMEN.


"HOW OLD?!.. I thought she was 31!.. Honest!" - The preceding quote was NOT from the show... I'm just being a smart-ass...


"Hey MacGyver!, weren't you going to ride me like a pony?" - The preceding quote was NOT from the show...

To avoid dealing with his three female houseguests, MacGyver goes to his bedroom and watches an old western. Minutes later, he falls asleep and becomes part of the movie he was watching. His female guests are also part of his dream... he-he-he. Get your mind out of the gutter, it ain't that kind of dream.

Anyway, the three female characters are played by, Traci Lords, Kim Zimmer, and Brigitta Stenberg.



I think there were two or three made-for-tv MacGYVER flicks, but I'm not sure.

I don't think the series - or movies - were released on VHS domestically.

Individual series sets - and movies - were released on region one DVD by PARAMOUNT.

The COMPLETE SERIES was also released on region one DVD by PARAMOUNT... It ain't cheap!...

BLOOD NASTY

This is a really RARE film.

BLOOD NASTY is a supernatural-horror-comedy.

A nice guy crook, named Roy Flowers, is double-crossed and murdered.

Roy comes back from the dead, after he's possessed by another deceased crook named Luis "Blade" Orlando... and sexy-bloody-wackiness ensues.

Linnea Quigley plays Blade's psychic-stripper girlfriend.



I don't think it ever had a legit VHS release in the United States. That's probably why I owned a bootleg tape for years ( I no longer have it ).

I've been told that BLOOD NASTY was released on VHS in Germany, and a few other countries.



As I write this, BLOOD NASTY has still NOT been released on region one DVD... So get it any way you can!

It's been years since I've seen it... Thank goodness for YOUTUBE!

WARM UP WITH TRACI LORDS

After Ron Harris released AEROBICISE, it seemed like everbody jumped on the exercise video bandwagon.

I think Traci Lords appeared in two direct to VHS "exercise" films ( wink, wink ). One is called WARM UP WITH TRACI LORDS, and the other one is entitled ADVANCED JAZZTHETICS.

I've been told the content is the same on both tapes. One version is supposedly longer than the other. However, I can NOT verify any of this information.



WORDS OF WISDOM AKA QUOTES from WARM UP WITH TRACI LORDS.....

"When we get to the HARD stuff, you will notice that it's fast paced"

"Keep your tummy firm and tight, if it hurts you gotta fight!"

"Roll your hips round and round, a perfect circle should be found... turn, turn, feel it burn"

"Don't jerk it hard, keep it smooth"

"Twist it now, the other way, you'll feel better all the day"

"Stretch it!... YEAH!"

"Flex your arms, MUSCLES grow"

"Do it softly, till you're sore"

"Pull!... Stretch it!"

"Pull it!.. pull it!.. pull it!"

"Feel the tightness in your rear, MUSCLES will soon appear"

"Press your pelvis to the air, keep your can nice and square"

"Wipe it off, if you're wet"

"Legs apart, up you'll sit, thrust it twice"

"PULL IT!, DO IT!, HARDER!, GOOD!"



Did those quotes enlighten you?



This SEXexercise video... sorry, I meant exercise video, is yet another example of folks trying to cash-in, on the sweat-is-sexy craze.



WARM UP WITH TRACI LORDS is unintentionally HILARIOUS and even a little SLEAZY... I highly recommend it!

I've always had a lot of mixed feelings about Traci, but I love watching her action flicks.



Both, WARM UP WITH TRACI LORDS, and ADVANCED JAZZTHETICS were released on VHS ( I can not remember by which companies ).

Both of these "work-out" programs MAY have been released twice on region one DVD ( by BCI ).

The first DVD is called JAZZTHETICS.

The second DVD is called 10 BEST WORKOUTS.

Once again, I can NOT confirm that these films are actually on these discs.

ONE NIGHT STANDS AND LOST WEEKENDS

I love short stories, and short films. I don't think either gets the respect or amount of attention they deserve.

All the short stories in this collection were written by a young Lawrence Block.

I've only been able to read a few stories so far, but I like them a lot.

I'm very happy to add ONE NIGHT STANDS AND LOST WEEKENDS to my collection of "block-books".



BOOK INFO:
ISBN ( 9780061582141 )
AUTHOR - Lawrence Block
COVER ARTIST - Credited to CSA IMAGES
COMPANY - HarperCollins
OBTAINED AT - Hamilton book.com
PRICE - $4.95
SOFTcover
SIZE - approximately 5.25" wide by 8" tall
PAGES - approximately 380

DO I WANT MY MONEY BACK?:
NO!!...

Lawrence Block is one of my favorite writers, so buying this book was an easy decision.