Friday, June 24, 2011
Brunswick ( as Checkers )
Betsy Jobs ( Kirsten Dunst )
Arlene Lorenzo ( Michelle Williams )
President "Dick" Nixon ( Dan Hedaya )
Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein ( Will Ferrell and Bruce McCulloch )
G. Gordon Liddy and Bob Haldeman ( Harry Shearer and Dave Foley )
Henry Kissinger ( Saul Rubinek )
Betsy and Arlene are two high school girls that become involved in a political scandal called "Watergate".
One night, they witness the break-in of the Democratic National Committee headquarters.
The next day, they go on a school field-trip to the White House.
While wandering around, the girls spot Liddy. Minutes later, Liddy tells Haldeman about the girls. Haldeman introduces himself and takes the girls to meet President Nixon.
Bob informs Nixon that Betsy and Arlene are witnesses to the Watergate break-in. Dick quickly hatches a plan to keep them quiet.
Dick makes them the official White House dog walkers.
Both girls become obsessed with Dick.
Betsy and Arlene make a batch of cookies - accidently laced with marihuana - and give them to Dick. Soon after, Dick becomes euphoric and the girls are happy that Dick is happy.
The girls accidently hear an audio tape of Dick spewing hate filled rants and expletives.
The next day, they confront Dick. They find out that Dick has been penetrating the private areas of their lives. Dick has files with information about their families.
Yelling ensues and the girls end-up agitating Dick.
Seconds later, Dick begins throbbing with anger, and becomes extremely hard on both of the girls. Then Dick suddenly erupts with passionate venom. The girls run in fear.
Both Betsy and Arlene are sickened by an out-of-control Dick. In fact, the mere mention of the word Dick, fills their nether regions with disgust.
It's even more distressing for Arlene. She really really loved Dick. But now, Dick leaves a bad taste in her mouth.
The girls decide to contact two Washington Post reporters called WOODward and Bernstein. They give them info about Dick.
WOODward and Bernstein tell the girls they need hard evidence pointing towards Dick. So the girls tell them about Dick's audio tapes.
Later that evening, Betsy and Arlene go on a secret mission to Haldeman's house.
Meanwhile, WOODward and Bernstein probe deeper, deeper, and deeper into the Watergate scandal that's spread out in front of them.
BUTT, Dick is slippery. He and his cohorts aren't done scheming.
Betsy and Arlene shared Dick and held Dick in high regard. However, due to Dick's despicable behavior they've become repulsed and frightened of Dick.
The girls make a transcript of an incriminating audio tape and hand it to WOODward and Bernstein.
Has Dick become too big for his britches?
Will Betsy and Arlene escape Dick's wrath?
Will reporters WOODward and Bernstein become famous for exposing Dick?
And last, BUTT, not least, will Dick finally be declared impotent and kicked-out of office?....
Liddy: "By the time you kids are grown, you'll be living in the Soviet Union Of America"
Betsy: "French Fries!.. French Fries!"
Liddy: "As far as you're concerned, I have no identity at all, as a matter of fact, I'm not even here"
Betsy: "This isn't TP, it's just some piece of paper with names and amounts of money on it"
Nixon: "You're supposed to love me Checkers"
Haldeman: "Sir, I've met yams with more going on upstairs than those two"
Nixon: "Call me Dick"
Arlene: "You are a meanie!"
Larry: "Doesn't anybody realize that Kung Fu isn't Chinese? He doesn't even look Chinese. He looks like the mailman"
Kissinger: "What, What?!.. Don't you give me that look!"
Nixon: "I'll be a monkey's uncle, if these aren't the yummiest cookies I've ever had"
Arlene: "I love Dick!"
Nixon: "No way, Jose!"
Arlene: "I hate Dick!"
Betsy: "You can't let Dick run your life!"
Betsy: "They'll never lie to us again..."
Betsy: "Again?.. they must never let him out"
Arlene: "I know. Would you look at all that shit?"
Both of them: "ooooh..."
Arlene: "Oh, I mean, poo-poo..."
Company - Sony
Extra #1 - "Director and screenwriter's commentary"
Extra #2 - "Making-of featurette"
Extra #3 - "Deleted scene"
Extra #4 - "Blooper reel"
Extra #5 - DICK trailer
Extra #6 - CAN'T HARDLY WAIT trailer - starring Ms. Hewitt's body... why else would any guy watch this?...
Extra #7 - SPICE WORLD trailer... a true obscenity... ha-ha-ha-ha...
Extra #8 - "Talent files"
Inserts - None
Mrs. Spinner: "Every lie is another brick in the pathway to hell"
OBTAINED AT - Big Lots
PRICE - $3.00
DO I WANT MY MONEY BACK?:
In my opinion, this is one of the best lampoons ever, and if you disagree, then you suck dick!
Look at Dick, see Dick jump, see Dick go up, see Dick go down, oops, sorry folks, I got Dick confused with those old "Dick and Jane" books... Anyway, watch Dick, you'll love Dick!